We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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