I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
