I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
