i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
