she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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