sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
