I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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