No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
