you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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