I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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