fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
