I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
