M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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