I wish i was in the wii world.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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