This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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