dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
