Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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