I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
