WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
