I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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