Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
