yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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