D3 body, D1 cock
I just threw up on my dentist
They should really pass out barf bags in church
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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