About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
