I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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