I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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