happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
