thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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