hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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