mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
