i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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