I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
