can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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