I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
