I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
