I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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