I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
