So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm like, not good at living.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
