Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
