anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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