I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I fill condoms, not promises.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
