i just wanna soil my oats bro
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
