what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
