mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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