just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
