a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
