What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
