if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
