Duck Duck Cougar?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just google imaged poop.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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