I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
