So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
