everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
