it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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