I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
