An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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