I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
