The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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