i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
