I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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