your parents love me but you hate me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
