I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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