i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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