A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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