A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
