dude i'm inner monologue high
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
love makes seman taste better
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
