i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
