i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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