so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
