I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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